


Sunflower

by Jellopuff15



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Confessions, Crushes, Cute, In Universe, M/M, a bit of angst, it’s mostly fluff, logan can’t do feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 09:18:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17640026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellopuff15/pseuds/Jellopuff15
Summary: At first, Logan hadn’t even noticed. In fact, if Roman hadn’t pointed it out to him, it would have taken him much longer to figure it out. That’s not to say he never would have- well, who was he kidding, he was so emotionally inept that he probably would never have figured it out.





	Sunflower

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to the amazing Theo, @lifein-confusion on tumblr for being my beta reader!

At first, Logan hadn’t even noticed. In fact, if Roman hadn’t pointed it out to him, it would have taken him much longer to figure it out. That’s not to say he _never_ would have- well, who was he kidding, he was so emotionally inept that he probably would never have figured it out.

 

  Logan walked into the kitchen, where Patton had just started pulling out for dinner that night. Logan was fantastic at baking, it really was just chemistry, it’s elements put together in just the right way to make something different. And although baking was his specialty, cooking was just never his thing. Whenever Logan tried to make anything, it exploded in his face. (figuratively… sometimes) So, he left the cooking to Patton, occasionally stepping in to help.

 

“Hello sunshine. Would you like some help?”

 

Patton looked up, tilting his head slightly, like a puppy. _Adorable_ , Logan thought. Wait, what? Where did that come from?

 

“Oh! Hey Lo! Sure! Could ya help me make the potatoes?”

 

“Sure pat, what delicious concoction are we consuming this evening?”

 

“Steak and mashed potatoes. Nice alliteration there, teach!” Patton giggled.

 

“Nice _word_ there, sunshine. Where-“

 

“I know big words!”

 

  Logan and Patton continued chatting while cooking, Patton still trying to teach Logan how to cook, even though he _knew_ Logan was hopeless. Soon, Virgil slumped in.

 

“Hi kiddo!” Patton called, “Are you ready for movie night?”

 

  Virgil groaned, though Logan knew he was secretly pleased, Virgil had somewhat broke down when they had first invited him to join them. He had thought Logan, Roman, and Patton, were trying to… well, even Virgil didn’t exactly know what, but he was anxious about it for _some_ reason, it’s _definitely_ not that it’s quite literally his job to overthink things.

 

“...whatever” Virgil responded.

 

  When Roman finally joined them, setting aside whatever he was working on in his room, the group sat down for dinner. Roman, as always, gulped down his food like a excited child, he was always over eager to get straight to the movie marathon. _Especially_ if it was Disney.

 

  That night, it happened to be Roman’s turn to chose the movies, so as soon as he was done gobbling down his food, Roman rushed to the TV, putting on Disney’s Hercules. With Roman’s urging, the other three finished up their dinners and slid onto the couch. Roman excitedly sat down in the middle, and started trying to convince Virgil to come cuddle with him, even though they both knew Roman would eventually end up with his boyfriend laying in his lap one way or the other.

 

  As always, Logan sat in the corner, Patton right up against him. Logan put his arm around Patton, pulling him closer, because, well… for some inexplicable reason

Patton being closer was all he wanted.

 

  When the the third movie was over, Patton got up, “Alright guys, I think it’s about time we get to bed.” Patton turned to Virgil, “Ya ready, kiddo?”

 

“Ughh, but it’s warm…” Virgil said from Romans arms.

 

Roman smiled softly at him, “It’s alright my dark prince, I shall join you soon.”

 

Virgil shot him a halfhearted glare, “Fine. But you better hurry up, princey.”

 

“Are you guys sure you’re okay with cleanup? Because I can-“

 

“Patton.” Logan cut him off, “You have been more than satisfactory, as you cooked dinner. And Roman and I are perfectly capable of a simple cleanup job. Go. Sleep.”

 

“Alright… if you’re sure…”

 

“Goodnight, sunshine.”

 

“Alright… night, Lo.”

 

“Sleep tight, Virgil, Patton.”

 

 Right after Virgil and Patton left, Roman finally brought it up.

 

“So…” Roman said picking up the popcorn bowl from their shared couch, “When were you and padre gonna tell us?”

 

“Tell you about what?”

 

“You know… that you’re dating?”

 

After a beat of silence, Roman spoke again, “You two _are_ dating, right?”

 

“Er- no Roman, I do not believe I know what you are talking about. What, er- may I ask, led you to this conclusion?”

 

“I thought it was rather obvious, you two are always giving each other pet names, and you’re both very… touchy. Besides, being the romance trait, I can just _feel_ the love in the air.”

 

  Logan blinked, this was new information for him, he knew he was a bit more… ‘touchy’ as Roman had put it, with Patton, but he had always thought that it was just how Patton was. He was like that with everyone… right?

 

“Firstly Roman, as you well know, you can not _feel_ romance, just as Virgil can not smell fear. It is impossible, even in a place such as the mindscape.”

 

Roman rolled his eyes. “I know lo, it’s an expression.”

 

“That is not- never mind. What- what did you mean by… pet names and ‘touchiness’? I do neither of those things.”

 

“Sure you do!” Roman scoffed, “Just now, you were cuddling with dad on the couch! it’s like every time you’re in a room together you’re calling each other things like ‘dear’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘love’, and of course, my personal favorite, ‘sunshine’. You’re always calling Patton ‘sunshine’. It’s disgustingly adorable.”

 

“Surely you’re dating… unless!?” Roman gasped dramatically, “do you- did you even notice that you’ve been sickly sweet with padre for years?”

 

“I- suppose not… goodnight Roman, it seems I have a _lot_ to think about.”

 

“Alright, goodnight Lo. Try to figure this out.” Roman paused, “Wait! Lo, ya gotta help me clean up!” But at that point, Logan was already gone.

 

—-

 

  As soon as Logan got back to his room, he flopped down head first on the bed. It was a tad extravagant, especially for him, but he was feeling- he was feeling a bit dramatic.

 

 He honestly couldn’t believe he had never noticed that he called Patton sunshine, but now that Logan thought about it, he did it a lot. He supposed… he had just gotten so used to it that he didn’t think too much about what he called his opposite.

 

  When he thought about it even more, he realized Patton always made him _feel more…_ he was… happy when he was around his counterpart. Logan thought about how every time Patton smiled, his heart flipped, how whenever Patton laughed he felt like he was about to burst with joy, how whenever his sunshine was sad, Logan wanted to just wrap his arms around him and protect him with everything he had.

 

  And that’s when Logan realized, the nickname he seemed to have come up with for Patton, ‘sunshine’, was just… completely perfect. It honestly encompassed everything he felt for Patton in just one word.

 

  Shit.

 

   _Clearly_ he had to figure out a plan.

 

  It was three hours later, and the best idea Logan had was to either tell Patton, which was clearly off the table for obvious reasons, or just… keep him at arms length for the rest of their existence, which honestly sounded infinitely worse.

 

  Well... it seemed Logan needed to sort through all of this, but in the meantime he would avoid Patton as much as possible, as all evidence was pointing towards Patton causing these feelings.

 

—-

 

  The next morning, Logan got up later than his normal time of 7:00, due to being up all night thinking. That day, it seemed he was awake by 9:37, a odd time for him indeed.

 

  As Logan got dressed, he thought about his plan Last night it had been very hard to concentrate on anything due to sleep deprivation, no matter how hard he tried. So, he wrote it and simplified it into easy steps:

 

 _Step 1: Wake up later, this will bring less_ _time_ _to potentially socialize with Patton._

 

 _Step 2: Neglect board game nights and movie_ _nights. When asked, tell them I have an_ _excess of work._

 

 _Step 3: Avoid brushing up against Patton as much_ _as possible. No touching, and no cuddling._

 

 _Step 4: Speak to Patton as little as possible. No_ _slip ups or calling him ‘sunshine’._

There. An easy, comprehensive list of rules for Logan to follow. This should be easy, right?

 

  Logan had eventually come to the realization that though his function is Thomas’s logic, he is more than that. Logic is just a title, like a job, and just as a person who does their job isn’t only the that, _Logan_ is more than his title. With this realization came his admittance that he did, in fact, have feelings. Of course, he was just so used to repressing his emotions, that it was very bad in the beginning. With the help of Patton, Logan was able to emote and experience his feelings much more. It truly was a radical improvement.

 

  That didn’t mean he understood any of them. Usually when he was feeling something abnormal, he would go to Patton for help, but it seemed he couldn’t do that in this specific situation.

 

  When Logan was dressed and prepared, he finally left his room and headed to the kitchen. When he got there, he was met with just what he was trying to avoid: Patton. He was standing at the sink and washing the dishes. He seemed to be humming some tune under his breath.

 

  Just as Logan was about to turn around and go back to his room, Patton glanced up, catching him before he could do anything. “Hey lo! Good morning!” Logan blushed, “good morning Patton, I-“

 

“Ya missed breakfast! Even Virgil was up before you, that’s weird…”

 

“A-Ah yes, I had some work to do last night, and ended up s-staying up later than intended. I apologize.” Logan adjusted his glasses nervously, silently hoping Deceit wouldn’t show up.

 

“It’s fine Lo! I saved some extra food for you anyways, and maybe we could watch a movie after I’m done cleaning up!”

 

  Logan thought for a moment, though he really did love spending time with Patton, he just couldn’t risk slipping up. “Well… I’m sorry Patton, I really do have a lot of work to do. I appreciate the food, thank you for thinking of me.”

 

Patton’s smile dropped, and it almost broke Logan’s resolve. Almost. “Oh… not even for big hero six?”

 

“I apologize.”

 

Patton plastered a smile on, “... it’s ok Logan. Another time?”

 

“I suppose. Thank you once again for the food, su- pat.” Logan corrected himself.

 

  The nickname seemed to make Patton’s smile just a little bit brighter… but that can’t be true. All he did was provide explanatory exposition and bring the mood down. Patton’s just being nice, as always. Right?

 

“No prob, bob!”

 

Logan hesitated before saying, “it’s… logan.”

 

Patton squealed, “you made a Steven universe reference! I knew you liked that show!”

 

“It is… an admirable series. Goodbye, Patton.”

 

Logan’s plan was a failure already. He really needed to do more to avoid Patton.

 

—-

 

  And that’s what Logan did for the next three and a half weeks. Anytime it wasn’t dinner, Logan avoided everyone, especially Patton. Before walking into a room, he would peek in and check for any movement or voices. If Logan heard anything, he would turn around and go back to his room. This method worked well when avoiding people and trying to work, but not so much for his health. There were days when Logan would go without any social interaction except at dinner, which he kept at a minimum.

 

  Logan knew he wasn’t doing too well, he didn’t sleep too much once he broke his sleep schedule, and most days he only had one meal because Patton was in the commons a surprising amount. But most of all, Logan missed the others, he missed Roman and his extravagant stories about princes and dragon witches that he used to secretly love, he missed sitting in silence with Virgil, quietly enjoying each other’s company.

 

  Although he missed his friends, he missed Patton more. He missed Patton’s exuberant smiles, how he listened intently when Logan was explaining something, simply because he loved learning. He missed Patton’s love of all things, no matter how small, (excluding spiders) he missed his pure outlook on things, his heart that was just a bit too big sometimes, and his loving, caring nature.  Patton had always been special to him, but in a different way than the others. It was day fifteen when he figured out how and why Patton was different.

 

  The realization only drove him further away.

 

—-

 

  It was day twenty five when the others confronted him about his absence around them. Logan felt the pull of Patton summoning him for dinner. It was 6:30, so this was not unusual.

 

 When Logan rose up, he noticed was immediately being watched by all of his fellow sides, including deceit. Now _that_ was abnormal.

 

“W- what is… what is happening? Why is deceit here? Did- did I do something to upset any of y-you?”

 

Patton softened, putting a hand on Logan’s shoulder. Logan shivered at the touch. “Oh, no Logan, honey. Deceit is hear as a… lie detector, of sorts. We’re worried about you, Lo.”

 

“Worried? W- why? I’m fine.”

 

“Lie,” deceit called.

 

Oh, so that was why he was here.

 

Virgil spoke up, “You’re clearly not fine, specs. Spill.”

 

“What Virgil _means_ is that… well, pocket protector, frankly…” Roman said.

 

Patton interjected, “You’ve been avoiding us! Why? I thought we were working on emotions?” He cocked his head to the side.

 

“W- well…” logan glanced at deceit, “I… um. I was trying to just avoid you, pat. Th-the others just sort of... were an unintentional consequence…”

 

Logan, Patton, and Roman looked at deceit, he shrugged, “No lie there.”

 

Tears started streaming down Patton’s cheeks, “Logan…”

 

“I-I’m sorry.” Logan said, before sinking down to his room.

 

  He rose back up in his room, and the first thing he did was flop down on his bed. Logan _knew_ he needed to talk to Patton, and he wanted to! He really did… he was just… nervous. Incredibly, insanely nervous. And finally, Logan let himself cry. It was soft, few tears were actually shed, and Logan still felt awful. The first thing that Patton had taught him about emotions, _his_ emotions, was that if he wanted to get through anything, he would have to acknowledge and recognize them.

 

  So Logan followed Patton’s advise, he acknowledged that he was nervous, sad, and very scared. He was scared of what the others would say, would they hate him? (though Patton could never _hate_ anyone. Not really.)

 

  Logan had never really ‘fit in’ with his fellow sides, he was too blunt, harsh, emotionless. Would they kick him out? No. Cognitive distortions. That’s what this was. He just wanted… he needed… he _really_ needed a hug. A few more tears dripped down his face.

 

  A few minutes later, Logan heard shuffling outside his door. The shuffling stopped, before a few quiet knocks sounded, along with a soft voice calling “knock, knock?” Logan rolled his eyes affectionately, _he’s such a dork,_ Logan thought. Patton’s voice was soft, almost uncertain. “He Lo, can we uh- talk? Can I come in?”

 

  Logan thought for a moment, he really did want a hug, and Patton would be sure to give him one, no matter how much he didn’t deserve it. Logan sighed, no use putting off the inevitable.

 

“Sure.”

 

  Patton opened the door, and as soon as he made eye contact Logan looked away. Patton came and sat on the opposite side of the bed as him. Logan shuddered.

 

“So… I guess I should start, huh?” Patton’s eyes were red, reminding Logan that he had caused him to cry earlier, which somehow made Logan feel worse. Logan nodded, not looking up.

 

“Did- did I do something? I’m sorry. I-I want to apologize for what I did, but- but I really can’t think of what I did to make you m- mad…”

 

  Logan looked up, shocked. He didn’t realize Patton thought he was _mad_ at him, especially when all he’s ever done is be his amazingly kind, generous self. It was just such a _Patton_ thing to do.

 

“Oh, sunshine… I’m certainly not… a- angry at you.” _Ever,_ Logan thought.

 

“Th- then why have you been avoiding me?”

 

“I- feelings.”

 

“Oh, Lo… why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“This erm- concerned you.”

 

“Me?” Patton cocked his head in that frustratingly adorable way.

 

“I- can we… talk about this later? I… need a hug?” Logan asked timidly.

 

“Oh, Lo.” Patton grinned, “You know all you need to do was ask for a cuddle party! Should I get the others?”

 

Logan thought for a moment, “Yes please… I promise I’ll talk later, but… I just really need to be with you guys right now.”

 

Patton jumped up, “Okay! In here?” When Logan nodded, Patton smiled enthusiastically, “I’ll get em!”

 

Before Patton could get out of the room, Logan called out, “Patton!”

 

Patton turned and looked at Logan, “I’m- I apologize for avoiding you. I really do l-lo- lo- appreciate your presence.” Patton’s smile widened, “it’s okay Lo. I love you too.”

 

—-

 

  A few days later, Logan found himself thinking of Patton. He was so kind, letting Logan have space, even though he deserved an explanation. It was on this day that he finally decided to tell Patton about his feelings. He had integrated right back into the mind palace as if he had never left. It was nice… all the affection, even if he didn’t deserve all their love.

 

  Nonetheless, a plan had formed in his head, but it meant telling Roman he was right, which was always just _so_ fun _._

 

  Logan walked to romans door, tapping two sharp knocks on the door.

 

“Come in, Lo!”

 

  Logan opened the door to see Virgil and Roman cuddling on the couch. “Oh. Erm- am I disturbing something here?”

 

“Nah, you’re good,”  Virgil said, “We were just hangin’ out.”

 

“Do you need something, friend? Roman asked.

 

“Well… I uh- need to talk to you, Roman.”

 

“Do I need to leave?” Virgil said.

 

“No er-you’re good. I need to get this off my chest to both of you anyway.” Virgil nodded, tilting his head in indication for Logan to continue. “Well, I might have a crush on… a person. It’s why I shut myself off from you guys. I wanted to work through some things, but I did it in an unhealthy way. I cut you off, and I am truly sorry.”

 

“That’s very sweet Lo, but I have two questions,” _only two?_ Logan thought. “One: Who the heckity heck do you have a crush on? Oh my goodness. Is it Patton?”

Logan blushed, “I’m gonna take that as a yes?” Logan nodded.

 

“You have a crush on Patton?” Virgil shrugged, “eh, makes sense. I always did call you the mom.”

 

“You did?”

 

Roman interjected, “were getting off topic! Question two: why did you come to me? Do you need advice from the one and only romance side? I say go for it. Patton won’t-“

 

“I’m not here for advise.”

 

“Good,” Virgil said, “‘Cuz Roman sucks at giving it.”

 

“Hey! I’ll have you know-“

 

“I need your help. I’d like to make a sunflower field at midday in the imagination.”

 

“Oh.” Roman said, “I can do that. But… why?”

 

“I- Well I’m gonna confess to Patton. He's my sunshine.”

 

Roman smiled, “Okay. When do you want it?”

 

“As soon as possible.”

 

“Alright. I can have it done in fifteen minutes. Go get him, Lo”

 

“Thank you so much Roman, Virgil. I’m sorry once again.”

 

Roman gestured wildly, “anything for true love!”

 

“Ignore him,” Virgil turned his body to Logan, “good luck Lo. But if you hurt him…” he trailed off.

 

“Do you really think I could so much as harm a hair on his body? He’s literally and metaphorically rather light of my life. I think I lo- love him.”

 

Virgil seemed satisfied with that. “This is gonna go great Lo. Good luck, have fun, and take dad’s emotions into consideration.”

 

  Logan nodded and sunk down to the commons to stress eat crofters.

 

  Thirty minutes later, when Logan had finally gathered up the courage to go knock on Patton’s door, he put away his jam and headed upstairs. He knocked on Patton’s door, waiting to hear a small “come in,” before stepping in.

 

“Good evening Patton. I was wondering if you might…” Logan stopped, Patton looked to be deep in thought and was currently staring at an old photo book.

 

“Oh… hey Lo. Do you… need anything?” Patton said, not looking up from his book.

 

“Er- well… that’s sort of the thing. I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to the imagination?”

 

Patton looked up, “Er- sure. Wh- why me?”

 

“Uh. I appreciate your company, of course.” Logan held out an arm, “shall we?”

 

Patton giggled, putting his book down and linking his arm with Logan’s, “Sure!”

 

As they were walking out of the room, Patton asked, “so… what do you have planned in the imagination?”

 

Logan looked down at Patton and winked, “I guess you will just have to see, will you not?” He smiled as Patton started giggling once again.

 

  When they arrived at romans room, Logan pushed the door open, heading straight to the nice looking cabinet that held the entrance to the imagination. Just like the in ‘the Lion, the Which, and the Wardrobe’.

 

“Shall we?” Logan asked as he beckoned Patton to come open the door. Patton opened the wardrobe to reveal a small wooden gazebo with a small bench in the center, surrounded by a field of sunflowers, all facing the midday sun.

 

  Patton gasped, Logan could see the stars in his eyes. “Logan… It’s gorgeous…”

 

Logan’s cheeks were a rosey shade of pink by now, “Yes… it really is, isn’t it? Roman did outdo himself.” Logan reached out and touched a sunflower, “utterly realistic as well, isn’t it?”

 

  Logan walked over to Patton and placed his hand on his opposite’s. “Come sit on this bench with me, will you?” Patton obliged, looking into Logan’s eyes, “is something wrong, Lo? It seems like somethin’s on your mind.”

 

“Well, actually… there is something…” Logan paused, waiting for Patton to signal he was listening. Patton nodded, so Logan continued, turning away to look at the flowers, “As you know, I have been struggling with feelings. Expressing and feeling my emotions has always been something I have repressed. I told myself it was for the greater good, that Thomas would be happier and more efficient without me butting in.”

 

“Sometimes, I still believe that, to an extent.” Logan faced Patton, “But… you have truly shown me true kindness understanding, and for that I am so very grateful. You have helped me learn, something I love, I’ve learned about sadness, anger, hope, joy, and… love.”

 

  Patton’s eyes were brimming with unshed tears, his mouth open in an ‘o’ shape. “Logan… I-

 

Logan cut him off, “There’s more.” He took Patton’s hands gently, slowly and gently enough that Patton could pull away if he wanted to. “Roman asked me a few weeks ago at movie night if we were dating. I told him no, of course,” Patton’s pace seemed to fall a bit, “So I asked him why he thought so. He said- well, he listed many examples, but the most prominent on that stood out to me was my calling you sunshine. Now-“

 

Logan took a deep breath, “I started avoiding you, and in turn, the others. I don’t know why, I suppose it was so that I could avoid emotions. I even made a list. How silly is that! Midway through though… I realized how perfectly the nickname fit. You are completely and totally my sunshine. You give out so much love and light… your smile is blindingly beautiful, you laugh is music to my ears. But the thing that made so much sense to me… is that… well, if you’re the sunshine, I am the sunflower. I will always, _always_ look to you. You give me life. Because… well,” Logan looked down, “I love you.”

 

  After his confession, they both fell silent. Logan couldn’t bring himself to look up. What if- “Hey, Lo can you look at me?” Patton took his had and placed it gently under his chin, tilting Logan’s head up. Their eyes met. Patton had tears streaming down his face, “I- I have been wanting you to say that for _years_! I love you too, Lo!”

 

“Really? You’re not just saying that, because if you are… if you are I don’t think I will be able to move on.”

 

Patton’s face fell, “Oh, baby… I would never do that to you. I promise.”

 

  Logan smiled shyly. Before he could even form a coherent sentence, Patton was surging forward, stopping right before his lips. “May I?” Logan simply nodded, and Patton was kissing him, and he was kissing back, and it was a swirl of emotions. Logan was ecstatic, it was truly the best moment of his existence, and he never wanted it to end.

 

  What Patton pulled away, Logan was left stunned. Patton grinned and touched their foreheads together, “we should get going, as romantic as this is. How did you come up with this anyway? It’s so unlike you.”

 

  Logan blinked, pulled from his trance, “Well, I guess you just bring that part of me out, sunshine.” He grinned.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Send me an ask at @ilovemydarkandstormyknight I’d love to write something else.


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